I have changed a lot... in a short amount of time

In 3 months i have changed so much. I have gone to a hospital (again). A psychiatric hospital. For different reasons. I have realized, with the help of my therapist, my other identities; well, persona's that live in me. Well, she describes them as "parts". Because i don't have split personalities. I noticed earlier in another post I said "Harvey is probably the most androgynous" of my personas, but actually there is a primal beast that is the most androgynous. Little Bull and Harvey have their moments with androgyny but Harvey is just a less "girly" side and i don't even know how to explain Little Bull, she's just her own being. Creature. But I also have a primal beast which is the most androgynous but still has female characteristics. She's there when i don't feel like a girl or a human, just a creature. This happens a lot when I'm around men... well mostly my pretty friends and men. Because I feel like no one sees me as a girl or a human and I fade away. I feel like a creature. in a way i like her and I like being a creature. I see myself as this little pygmy with face paint and wild hair. And feathers.

-Kat ? ?

More Stability

I never realized how strong Harvey was -- well like I know she is strong, but I mean I had no idea how big of an impact she would have on me. Recently I have becoming more stable. Although I have a lot of obsessive thoughts i have been challenging them. Here, here's an example. If I am brushing my teeth I will repeatedly rinse and spit and count certain amounts of times until I think it's safe. Or i will say certain things in my head while i am brushing my hair until I think it's okay to stop. Or I will touch objects and position them in certain ways. I have been trying to do the things that I am scared of instead of my normal obsessive routines. I think Harvey helps part of this. She's so brave and "doesn't give a fuck." She tells me to be cool about a lot of things. I think she's slightly more of my masculine side. I know I didn't phrase that correctly. I want to give her credit because she is typing part of this. Also, she is not manly, although she is more masculine. She just isn't "girly" I guess. She also can't fall in love. I think. Like Little Bull she really is asexual. Although I think sometimes she is intrigued by men. She's not like Little Bull who is completely disgusted by them. Harvey is the only part of me that can be "chill," I'm pretty sure. She is probably the part of me that the men are into. However, she and myself haven't been interested in any of them. It seems like we have found our "other half" in a way, but that could be another one of Kat's misconceptions. She assures Kat that "it happens," and "maybe it's not the right one," more strongly than she (Harvey) was able to say before. Her voice has gotten a lot louder. And her style. Although it pains Kat to see Little Bull taking second command, but not even, just slightly quieter (although Little Bull could never possibly be quiet) than usual, Harvey's careful and level-headed decisions have helped us all out a lot. Harvey is such a powerful and important component that i orignally had no idea would have this impact on me, us, I am glad to have her in my (our) life. She started out as a work joke, "Harvey is my spirit," because other people at work had "spirits," that work their opposites or just different sides of them. They were kidding. But I have realized that that joke has enabled me to attach a name to a part of me that is very important to my life. Harvey.

Thank you so much Harvey, I Love you, we all Love you.
-Kat, Little Bull, (Harvey), and the Little Girl.

P.s. We're glad we had this time to tell you how great you are to us! (Thanks Harvs!)